The One

Is finding a great job akin to finding “the one”? The similarities between the two are consistent; you spend an exorbitant amount of time wth each, hopefully finding fulfillment and challenge. But the search for both is mysterious. It seems there is no direct path. Moreover, the general consensus for finding these matches is a vague, “it will happen when you least expect it.” I’m not sure if I spend more time thinking about finding a great, long lasting job or a great, long lasting relationship.

Both are wrought with sexual ambiguities and bias. At work, there is a constant pressure to prove that I’m here for the long run, serious about my job. In a relationship, there are similar challenges. The pressure to prove loyalty and maintain trust. In bad relationships and bad work environments, the challenges are boring and meaningless. Comping over last years sales v. pleasing a partner who doesn’t please me. When these things aren’t well matched, only disappointment follows. And yet, I would not want to go without a job or a sexual partner.

I could certainly find contentment in the casual nature of a job or a relationship that has no future, but only for so long. My desire to achieve takes over at some point and before I know it I’m meeting parents or applying for a promotion. This all happens under the guise of excitement. What’s the worst that can happen if I meet his parents? What could be wrong with making more money? The problem, of course is that, for me, these are all distractions. They distract from taking any long looks at myself. I don’t need to ask what I want out of life at this moment because I have a trip to plan, or a shift to work. Work provides me with money to live and relationships provide me with sex and romance to enjoy. I love both, but need more than I’ve been asking for.

From work, I need challenges I enjoy. I need an environment with interesting people I like, for the most part. I’ve found, sadly, that I don’t like most people. There are only a very small handful I connect with. I need some sort of path to better circumstances. I need goals to chase. Where do I begin to find these requirements? Is the answer only with another job or will it call for more school? For a long time, the prospect of school was attractive; it still is an attractive prospect. But the cost is a little too much to swallow. Also, the more I talk with people about what they’ve chosen to do for work, the more it seems that schooling might not be the only answer. I had a fear that my desire to go back to school was little more than a call for help in finding some direction. The more I learn about other people’s choices, the more that fear seems valid. Most don’t go into a field they originally studied. My second fear is that my particular course of study is a bit far off from any viable career choice. This is still up for debate.

The last time I went looking for a position, I didn’t have a lot of experience looking for a job. As in no experience. I had NO experience looking for a job. I applied at some different places and nothing came of it, except retail. My retail experience spoke volumes, and still does. But this experience is not my voice. I wonder if many people feel this way. Their paper selves don’t match up to their personal selves. Could the answer be as simple as looking for a new position? It would be tough to start over, again. It took three and a half years to get get back to the pay I had at my first job. A good chunk of that time was spent working seven days a week, something I would not be in a hurry to do again. There are many things I don’t want, but finding what I do want is shockingly difficult.


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